Facing & Overcoming Adversity: Part One
Facing & Overcoming Adversity
Trauma, Anxiety, and Silence.
There is something to be said about the silence we have created for ourselves in today’s society.
The stigma against mental health and choices we choose to make for ourselves are unreal.
It’s almost as if we feel forever endeared to making sure we aren’t making other people uncomfortable about living our life that we have forgotten what it’s even like to feel the way we need to feel.
If there was an award for people pleasing I most definitely would have one for every year.
Working on myself I feel like is some of the best work I have ever done.
That might sound selfish to some.. but others may feel my drift.
Starting this blog and sharing these parts of me have opened my heart up so much more than I ever thought possible. My eyes see things clearer than they ever have before and now almost a year later my soul finally feels at peace.
Treating my anxiety without medication has been such a challenge. If you were to ask me what I thought about anxiety medication a few years ago I would have told you I needed it, daily.
Anxiety and panic attacks definitely had their hold on me.
If I were to explain what it feels like it would be a big angry monster with his huge hand squeezing you around the neck constricting its strength at different times making you feel like you may not make it another breath.
Every day was a struggle and a fight with myself to not go to the E.R. I knew I would be ridiculed, judged, called an addict, and treated as if I were insane.
But I still felt succumbed to that moment of relief I would get from the medication through the IV just to stop the vomiting.
Sadly, even then I still felt like death.
I would throw up over and over and over again.
So bad I couldn’t talk or even see clearly. My limbs would go numb, I would shake, and my pain was so bad and no one was listening. You can read more about it here.
Amidst all of the mental trauma I had from my past: Explaining how I felt was like speaking to a room of deaf ears. No one would listen.
Because I had anxiety it was like everything else I had to say was obsolete.
There were multiple days in a row I couldn’t leave the bathroom and my husband couldn’t work because we had no one else to take care of me or the kids.
I began to feel hopeless.
The only options I had ever been given was medications (which always made other things worse for me), mental health therapy, surgery to “see” if it would help the vomiting, and per my families request-mental health REHAB.. (to think that they considered this baffles me).
Nothing ever helped me and I’m the type of person that feels when you know something is wrong with yourself you just know.
I was left with no other option but to take care of it all by myself.
Because no matter what they say, you always have a choice. You just don’t always have the guts to make it.
-Ray N. Kuili
Overcoming Fear & Anxiety
So there I was 2 years ago, fervently searching for answers. Natural therapists, acupuncturists, natural mental therapy practices, yoga, you name it. I went for it.
I no longer wanted to feel as crazy or as bad as a person and mother as they made me think I was.
I’m not one to complain about my issues unless I’m talking with someone else, you know like women do. But even then, I hold back on a lot of personal issues.
I have always been good at hiding stuff. Including the many ER visits.
Being a stay at home mom these last almost 7 years and being married, I have lost touch with a lot of people I use to talk to on a regular basis, so even they had no clue what I had been going through.
And I would never really like to share too much on social media either.. because I didn’t want to be “that” person.
Overcoming fear is one hell of a come up.
Fighting for myself and health is the best thing I ever did.
I made it to the Mayo Clinic and I was finally given an answer and validation for years of pain and suffering.
I plan to explain more about that trip in my next post but I will start off with just saying just how much of a freeing experience it has been for me!
For the first time ever, I truly feel proud of myself.
It took years of self reassurance and self love to get me to this place. It’s hard to love the pieces of you that you hated before.
It takes work. A lot of it.
Everyday is a new start and new challenges always arise. Sometimes there’s bad days and somedays are good, but it’s the progression we make that counts.
In the end, the results of who you are will always speak volumes over anything else anyone has to say or even think.
With that being said I feel like I need to share something very important about my journey that I have never really talked about before; with anyone.
I have lost having a relationship with my aunts, sister, and my nieces, I have lost many friendships, and like I said before I have been called and treated like an “addict” by many medical professionals because of this.
Facing heartache like that when your in search of wellness for yourself is a pain I cannot explain
and partly why I never wanted to talk about this before.
Months later and nothing has changed besides those people still not being there for me.
I feel like I owe it to myself and to my readers a big truth to my overcoming journey. So, here it is…
I use Medical Marijuana and I can’t imagine what road I would have went down next without it.
There I said it.. judge me all you want. I know Jesus still loves me. Seriously though.
Medical Marijuana has changed my life for the better.
Yes, I still have pain every day. No it doesn’t take it all away. But i do have other coping skills for anxiety and it does make the pain, anxiety, and many more things manageable.
For some reason though, so many of you will hate me now that you know this. Those of you who do, have no clue what my story has been and that’s where judgement meets ignorance.
You can’t hate something so much that you don’t even understand.
I finally found relief in something that isn’t going to kill me!
Living through all I have has really been teaching me to not ever judge anyone based on the choices they make for themselves. It’s not anyone’s job to set the tone for your life- besides YOU.
In that, my heart and passions have dove pretty deep into mental health awareness and natural therapies.
I think it’s really important that we start putting light to the stigma on mental health; ultimately no matter what way you decide to medicate.
I know so many people– too many, whose lives would change over the benefits that natural approaches have to offer.
This is an important topic and I feel like the United States is on the cusp of a breakthrough when it comes to marijuana.
There are so many stories and lives that have been changed because of it, including my own.
If you were to ask my husband, he would probably say that I would have died without it.
When our middle child was a baby I was so sick from the pain and the crippling anxiety that went along with it that I literally couldn’t eat a thing.
I had lost over 30 pounds and you could see most of my bones with no clothes on.
To say i am thankful for Medical Marijuana would be an understatement. It helped me be able to eat, sleep, and live because of it.
If most of those people were around to see how sick I truly have been, do you think they would still hate me for it? Probably.
I just don’t really care anymore.
So much energy has been wasted on trying to make other people like me who just won’t ever will. Energy I could have put into myself.
Learning to care from a distance has been my choice of reaction. When something that helps me and my daily life bothers someone so much that they have to hurt me is when I have to step back and turn the other way.
Caring about how others feel and caring about what they think of you are two different things.
One thing we are all daily running from is judgement and what others think. I say it all the time, but what are we doing?
What will it take to start living for ourselves?
We’re all doing life our own way.
Your story is important, it matters, and telling it can not only help you but it can help others too!
I want to encourage you by sharing more about what I have done to change my mindset.
Give a listen to Gary Vaynerchuk‘s podcast if you want some insight into how i have been transforming it.
I will be creating Part 2, very soon! So stay tuned!!
Please feel free to share and help me bring awareness to this topic and ongoing issue.
As always, thank you SO much in all of you who continue to read what I have to say and support me in what I do.
You’re all the real MVPs and I wouldn’t have made it this far without you all. Much much love 😘
– Mrs. Flores ❤️