Life

Miracles Do Happen

‘Tis’ the season of all things merry, joyful, emotional and stress.

Among it all, I want to put the negativity aside and share a story about several miracles that have unfolded in my life. This is a story about hope and faith that hasn’t played out like all the rest. But how my husband and I have tirelessly put them to use together our entire relationship.

It was about 5 am on Christmas morning, and our first little miracle had just so happened to be awake in his crib.  As i began to pluck boogers out of my eyeballs i turned around and realized that Jordan was down on one knee about to propose to me.

*Side note*

(The sweetest thing ever is when you see your significant other try so hard to do something for you, that they literally cant even sleep. It was clear he hadn’t even slept by the bags under his eyes and the hoarseness in his voice.)

Even though we knew we had a long road ahead of us, we knew we wanted to be together, forever. This was Jordan’s way of promising me that I was forever his, and to give me that security. We talked about wedding dates right away knowing that would be the first question to be asked by everyone under the sun. I mean, isn’t it always?

There’s totally an unbidden rule for announcing certain life events that other people just place expectations on you. “Just for completing one accomplishment you must hurry and complete the next” makes no sense to me but it seems to be that way.

Anyways.

So, this was Christmas of 2012 that we got engaged. We didn’t get married until July of 2018.

It might seem like a shocker, but we wanted to have the “perfect” wedding. And we knew we needed to save a lot of money to make it happen.

I always dreamed of having a big wedding. Being the responsible young adults we thought we were being, we assumed we were buying ourselves some time.

So we purposely had our wedding planned for 7/22/18. 3 of our lucky numbers. 22 was always my number before I met Jordan and when we met and he told me it was his too, I knew we had to be married on the 22nd!

During the entire 8 years of us knowing each other we have gone through trial after trial.

Just like for everyone else at one point or another, life hasn’t always been so kind.

Thankfully with the miracle of having each other, we have pulled through on top of the other side, almost every time.

For the first few years of our relationship, life was pretty close to perfect. Jordan had an amazing job that brought in a very generous income. and having only once child and no health concerns at the time, life was pretty much stress free.

I was at a point after having our first baby where I was starting to feel comfortable with my body. Truly, i was starting to feel like life had me on top of the clouds. The excitement was real and I couldn’t wait to marry my best friend and to have our next baby. We had plans to have only 2 babies and to get fixed right after.

Life had me right where I thought I wanted to be.

For us, planning to buy a house this day in age takes true disciple, in multiple aspects! Lol for real though… being told i couldn’t have sex with my own husband between a baby and a vasectomy, and no birth control is SO hard! <no pun intended>

Then it happened.

Jordan and I were pregnant with our second baby. Everything was exciting and all, but the one thing that was different was the pregnancy. As soon as I became pregnant my body was triggered by some pretty scary changes. Every day became a struggle from that point forward.

Of course I was pregnant, so I waited 9 long months for it to be over. For it to just not be over.

The problems my body began to have didn’t go away and in fact demanded our whole lives be changed. I could no longer enjoy the life I wanted to with my two beautiful children. Life changed drastically for me.

There were many days I would be literally living in the bathroom, alone, while their dad was at work and I was supposed to be taking care of them. Throwing up caused by severe pain and being feuded with anxiety I had to start forcing myself to eat and panic attacks became my daily routine.

My body began to give up on me at only 23 years old.

And after many attempts at holding up his amazing job, my husband had to let it go. After all, he is the leader of our pack and we all needed his full attention. And mom was weak. I couldn’t even take care of my kids every day, let alone be alone.

So here we were, a young family of 4 facing a huge medical mystery. We’ve never had a babysitter, and we don’t take our kids to daycare. We were in it 100% together, just us 4. That period of time felt like every day i was living in hell.

Several unsuccessful procedures, treatments, surgery’s, and misdiagnosis’s went by and Jordan and I both knew that something was wrong with my body. And I became determined to figure it out. Living in comfort became a struggle for all of us.

The problem was that no one was listening to my number one complaint. and they were too focused on judging me for having anxiety. 

Adjusting to new schedules, new normal’s, and creating a routine that is subject to change any day, has been found to be not just physically but mentally exhausting as well. There are honestly times I can’t even believe that Jordan is still with me, and still loves me as much as he does.

Losing a steady and well paying job which sustained our family, to working for ourselves was a major change–let alone everything else. It seemed like lBut life didn’t really give us a choice. We learned quickly that when facing mountains too large to climb, there are two options. Either give up, or try. And sometimes trying results in a lot of failure. Keep trying.

Never in a million years did we think we would own a window cleaning business, but here we are 4 years later and it’s been getting better every year.

Sure, some months bring in no income even when we’re financially still putting out. And sure, we deal with the weight of everything on our own shoulders. Insurance, free estimates, and so much stress.

But, we have been able to create a schedule that works for us, and not against us.

Except when it comes to planning for big things. Like a trip to the Mayo Clinic, or for instance; our wedding. At the same time. The beginning of 2018 was a bit stressful to say the least.

After the birth of our third child, the pain in my back began to make my legs weak and my arms numb. We had just found out in February that I had a tumor in my spine.

which had apparently been there the entire time.

Because of the small town we live in and the fact that both hospitals are owned by the same company, I couldn’t find a doctor to help me move forward.

Disheartening is the best and nicest word I could think of to describe how I felt.

Things like cleaning my house, holding my breastfeeding baby, and helping Jordan scrub off roofs have become a challenge for me. I needed answers as to why and I still wasn’t being listened to. So Mayo was the answer for us.

Our wedding date was still set for 7/22/18 and because of insurance reasons we thought would help, I had until my 26th birthday in August to get to the Mayo Clinic.

But we still pushed through and most importantly we stayed faithful.

Jordan worked his butt off with our business, we called everywhere asking for fundraisers to be held, held our own, and prayed fervently for our prayers to be answered. I wanted to so bad have my wedding not be at a courthouse.

But I also wanted to get to the Mayo Clinic to get the answers I felt I deserved.

For months I had friends and family and people at the church asking us how the heck we were going to make both things happen. Telling us that we should hold off on the wedding, and others who said they didn’t even believe us. Our wedding was completely unpaid and we hadn’t even had a venue picked out. Plus, no part of our trip to mayo was even paid.

Although there were people who were amazing to us, there was still those who didn’t want anything to do with it and didn’t have any interest in helping knowing they could. (There is definitely a miracle in that, too)

It was 4 weeks away from the wedding and all I had purchased were clearance items at Hobby Lobby, my kids outfits, and my wedding dress I Just so happened to score on Amazon for just $100. (Which hadn’t even arrived yet).

Stress was an understatement.

“For there is a time and a way for everything, although man’s trouble lies heavy on him.” – Galatians 6:9

There is no other way to put it other than a miracle.

There’s no other way that we would have succeeded in what we did without gods help. And without trusting him, it wouldn’t have gotten us here.

I have always believed in the power of prayer and I’ve never felt ashamed for asking for them; from anyone. Especially when in a place of desperation and all you have is hope in a miracle. In fact, when anyone would ask if they could help me I would just ask for them to pray. And clearly they did.

Gods timing has time and time again shown me how perfect his plan is. I know being married was a definite part of that plan.

Within those 4 weeks we were able to lock down an amazing wedding venue just outside of Glacier International Park. What was supposed to be a hefty cost, just so happened to be half off the original price on our specific day! And the rest– My amazing husband was able to trade for his own services.

Just weeks prior to our wedding I met an amazing woman in the nursing room at church while we were both feeding our babies. We just so happened to talk about the wedding. Low and behold she was a photographer and ended up ended up explaining to me just how important pictures on your wedding day really are. So she asked for my number and gave me her business card.

Being without a photographer for my wedding was something I had settled with a long time ago.

Especially once I knew how spendy they really were (but so worth it). With Mayo Clinic and how little money we had to spend, I didn’t want to worry about it. So I didn’t.

Just before locking down the venue, the girl I met at church got a hold of me and told me she wanted to gift me wedding pictures! I literally cried in excitement!

What a blessing and a miracle for me that she did what she did for us. Pictures will never be taken for granted, ever.

On top of it, I had some pretty awesome friends who helped us provide the food and supplies we needed to feed 100!

And the ones who helped decorate, makeup & hair, and even the music!

My mom made my huckleberry filled wedding cake (it was to die for), and one of my great friends husbands stayed up the entire night before to smoke a ton of pulled pork. Everything came together perfectly thanks to the help and hearts of others. That was the best gift I could have ever asked for.

We didn’t get the honeymoon we hoped for, a night away from our kids, or any other miracle someone else would have hoped. But the greatest news we received after the wedding was that our flight and hotel were paid for to get to the Mayo Clinic for all of us, so i didn’t have to go alone.

Not. Even. Kidding.

Talk about a true family miracle. We didn’t have the funds to do anything extra while we were there, but just the fact that i was able to go and not be alone for 12 days was a blessing. It was boring as all heck, but it was a blessing.

God always answers prayers in one miracle or another. He is always listening and I know it for a fact. He’s proven it to me over and over again how much his hands are at work in every moment in my life.

And guys, were finally married!! Eeeeek!

After 8 long years of trials and working hard at our relationship and putting God First and always, has paid off.

I’m married to my best friend and together, we made it to the best and most expensive doctor in the country when it was almost next to impossible. Now we have the answers we need to move forward with our lives. And I’m so relieved and happy about the miracle of it all.

It feels good to know that my health doesn’t have to define me or my life. And had I not fought for answers, our lives could and would be so much different.. or I could be dead. Plus, I never would have found my passion for Mental Health Awareness.

What I have learned the most from the experience is that: Only I know how I truly feel, only i know what is best for me, and only i know what you i want. Knowing these three things, i have been able to use them as tools to propel me forward in so many aspects.

Miracles truly do happen. and when seeking answers, truth, and authenticity it becomes essential to have faith in them.

Realizing that i hold the answers to what i truly want, and that they aren’t found in anyone or anything else has given me such a sense of relief. Staying true to myself has gotten me a lot further in life than not.

Loving who you are is a true miracle. So many people struggle with that, and i know personally how hard it can be. 

Where do you find the power, hope, and determination you need when life gets tough? My power comes from prayer

Self love and care comes in all forms. Just take. care of YOU. All else will fall into place. Sending light, love, and prayer your way❤️🙏

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