The Stigma Against Marijuana & Being A Mom

Marijuana is something that has been weighing on my heart for awhile now.. and I feel like I need to talk about it. Mental health has its own stigma attached to it; and many people are starting to share their stories about how they have overcome their journey.

But this time i want to talk about my life as a mom and using marijuana.

I think it’s beautiful to share your experiences because you just never know when it might help someone else.

I’ve written about this before in my two-part post about Overcoming Adversity .I never really put too much thought into the daily struggles of living with something that I am constantly trying to hide.

What I have been hiding from so many people isn’t because I purposely haven’t wanted to tell anyone; but because of the fear of what people might think of me and what kind of mother I am. Its not just a fear because i know there are things that are said about me and who i am as a person. They must think or talk about how I blog about being a faith filled woman, yet I smoke marijuana  and how that makes absolutely no sense for someone like me.

This whole blogging journey has led me on a road of self discovery that I honestly never thought I would be on. It’s been a crazy year or two, and it’s been full of let downs and letting go of people and things.

But I have learned so much about myself, and I have learned that no matter what I try to portray myself to be to other people I am the one that has to sleep with myself at night and listen to my thoughts, and battle my insecurities, and hide my feelings.

No one else was suffering, but me.

That’s why I like to write so much about my life and my experiences that I have been through. Not because I feel like I need to tell anyone, but because it helps me.

Smoking weed in itself has a major stigma against it. For years no one was focused enough on the medicinal side of it because of how the government regulated it, and it was known as taboo.

That stigma has just continued to drag on, but I know it’s bound to getting better.

In todays world where Pinterest is full of expectations for us as moms, and even worse as women; it’s hard to accept things about ourselves when we know that the world is expecting something different. We battle with sharing certain things or making comments about something we feel strongly about. because we know that there will be those who feel offended in some way and they aren’t afraid to make that known.

I’ve been guilty of it myself this last year.

and in my experience I learned that not everything has to be exposed even when it hurts you.

Off subject for a sec; I used to consider myself a friend of a couple of girls who didn’t know me know me. all they knew about me was what they read and saw on the internet. And at the time I was afraid of ever really speaking my mind. I just never really wanted to give anyone a reason to not like me.

They were “friends” of mine until one day I decided to talk about something I had been suffering with on Facebook; and because I hadn’t ever talked about it before people were very skeptical about what I was saying.

I won’t go into too much detail. but when it came down to it I was getting nasty messages in my private messenger from them. Then when I decided to expose and screenshot what they had said I turned out to be the bad guy.

Maybe it was the way I handled it,

i’ll admit it was probably immature of me to post said screenshots; but I felt like what was being said to me was unfair. They still had others convinced they were just trying to help.

This certain situation has resonated with me for a while now and has made me really realize that no matter what: you can’t make everyone happy. I’ve thought to myself so many times “if they only really knew”

So here I am again, talking about how much I love Jesus and smoking marijuana.

I get it, it’s an unpopular opinion and especially for those who are like myself and live their life by faith.

I’m sure I will get a lot of backlash, but I also know I will get a lot of support too.

There are other mamas who are suffering and don’t talk about where they get their relief from. It could be a chronic illness, and/or anxiety, and those mamas who just don’t want to drink but they want to relax. I know there are other mamas who use marijuana. It’s just that no one ever talks about it.

That’s what makes this conversation so weird and uncomfortable.

Being that I already don’t have many mama friends, I really don’t have much else to lose.

Most parents have something that they look forward to at the end of a day or week;  something they can use to really relax. In days like today where so many people are switching to holistic care, I think this is an important topic to bring up.

Marijuana isn’t the drug you might think it is.

The reason I actually started to smoke was because of how bad my health declined over these last 5 years. Just one year after being a first time mom my entire body changed.

Not only was my anxiety taking a turn for the worst; I was in severe pain that I couldn’t even explain. I couldn’t sleep at night, couldn’t eat, could no longer focus, could not relax: and I couldn’t stop panicking for the life of me.

Before I realized the medicinal benefits of marijuana, I never would have been caught smoking it or even around it. I was so afraid of what other people thought about it, that I didn’t want to use it. I was so consumed in prescription medications at that time already that I was desperate for something that would actually work.

So I started smoking marijuana and my whole world changed.

I realized just how much relief I could get from just a plant. How quickly I could get the relief, and how there are strains that are specific to my ailments.Plus, it doesn’t make me physically dependent on it.  And not only that; I could grow it 100% on my own with water and sunlight!

My perspective completely reversed.

Over the years since I became a mom I have pushed people away that I thought wouldn’t agree with my choices. After all, my own niece that I had helped raise for the first year of her life is no longer allowed to come to my house or see me because of it.

I refused to invite anyone from church to my house in fear that they would smell it.

I drive around with gum, body spray, and eye drops in my car. I’m afraid to show up to events when I know I need to eat, because I know i will need to smoke. so I just refuse to go.

I’ve chosen to not be a part of multiple benefits, church organizations, and family gatherings because I knew I would be the topic of discussion the minute I walked away.

All because of one thing: Marijuana and the stigma against it.

I’m sure most think that I pig out all day, lay on the couch and listen to Bob Marley and do nothing all day or that my kids aren’t taken care of properly, or that my business is a complete disaster. Puh-lease.. its gotta stop.

My children are my entire world and their safety is always my priority. Also, i love me some Bob, and if you know me you know I take care of my responsibilities.

That’s what’s wrong with people not talking about it! It has really effected my growth whether I like to admit it or not.

Years have passed now and the diagnosis that I have been fighting for finally came. I have an Osteoid Osteoma that is taking up a major portion of my T 11 in my spine. My doctor at the Mayo Clinic decided that with how young I am that removing the tumor won’t be worth it. Removing the tumor could cause me to be paralyzed or highly possibly in a wheelchair the rest of my life.

Because of my situation, I have to find ways to cope with severe pain on a daily basis and personally, medication is no longer an option for me.

If I had listened to everything western medicine told me to do I would be on a long list of medications to this day. I would have a feeding tube in my stomach, I would be attending several therapy sessions a month.

My life would 100% be different.

I can guarantee you that i would take several naps a day. I would forget about what time it is several times a day. There is a possibility i would forget about changing my kids diaper. I’d ignore the mess that’s made every day as I would have not mental or physical energy to deal with it.

but yet I would have the support of all of my doctors, friends, and family that no longer support me.

It came to a time that i had to choose one or the other and I decided to choose a life I could actually live.

Not just for me, but a life with my kids. They deserve to have a mom who will continue to show up however she physically can. Marijuana helps me do that, and I have discovered that it’s all I need for now.

Marijuana might make me look like a bad mom, a bad person, and an unfaithful follower of Jesus to you. But to me and my family, it helps me get up everyday and be who I need to be for me and for them.

I get to have a chance to get through my mornings without thinking I need to go to the ER. I’m able to eat lunch with my kids (without throwing it up –hallelujah!). Able to cook and clean, and leave my house for appointments without feeling overburdened.

And yet.. I know Jesus loves me and accepts me for that. That’s the only acceptance I think I will really ever need.

Personal advocacy, mental health advocacy, and medical marijuana advocacy are something that touch my heart in a deep deep level.

I strongly feel there needs to be more that is said about them all.

We live In a world now where we should be seeking answers on our own. Not just listening to what once person or professional has to say.

Get different perspectives and open your mind to new beliefs. Don’t be so afraid of something that you don’t fully understand. Learn as much as you can about whatever matters the most to you and formulate your very own opinion. That’s where true change happens.

If you feel burdened by something that gives you relief whether it be a glass of wine at night or a prescription that truly helps you; than I strongly advise you to start digging deeper and advocating for what has helped you. We need each other more than we realize. More people need to hear other people’s stories.

It’s time we start living for what’s best for us, and not just what others think is best for us.

I hope that sharing my story can encourage you to share yours too. If you had a disbelief about marijuana before I hope you can see a new perspective now.

Please share and spread the love. If you can’t relate personally– maybe you know someone who will! Encourage and support your loved ones no matter what journey they are on. Realize that no matter how much you don’t understand it; it may just be what is best for them.

God bless 💕🙏

The benefits of marijuana

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